Now, I will be my person for me…

Recently, I have dreamt twice of the man who inspired this blog.  Two separate times promptly sprung from my reality.  It doesn’t take two years visiting with my therapist to see the connection.  First was after a hurtful disagreement with my mom and secondly during a night while the Gentleman caller was in town.  See, he (the man who once was my person) was my family in Los Angeles.  He represented my constant familial structure especially when my own continually hardened my heart.  He also was my comfort, support and the one I searched out when I needed a hand to squeeze.  He was my person.  He was my other half.  But together we weren’t whole.  I knew that our deep friendship was not on path towards a complete union…but he was my person nonetheless.  And when my world here…miles away…got shook…I dreamt of him.  twice.  When I felt exposed and unsafe my sleep reached out towards him.

It’s obvious that many things in my life are pointing to me.  just me.  Casey is gone…Kaylyn has left.  Again, it’s just me.  They say the most important steps you take are the ones you take all by yourself.  Okay.  I see.  (deep sigh).  Then.

It’s time for me to be my person for me.  I don’t think I ever have.  When I moved out to LA I was so young and still so very dependent on others for emotional support.  What if I just cut the rip cord?

Dig deep, Durden…I believe in you.