Reunited With My Big wheel

And a Bear Named Honey.

Our trip to Memphis also fell into the timing of my mom packing for her move to PA to live closer to my sister and her family.  The attic had been recently released to the floor of the garage where boxes of items filled with once adored childhood accouterment.  Either it was going to be taken by me or tossed.  It was quick sweep of what was going into the U-haul mini trailer and what was departing my life forever.  All cheerleader stuff was kept…both from high school and college.  I then begged my mom if I could keep the tree people and plastic tree house in which they lived.  (Next to the tree was a bush that popped open and it’s where the dog lived).  She said Elizabeth had received it for her bday when she was four.  I rebutted: “it’s not like she would keep it, she doesn’t believe in Plastic toys!”  I won.  It has a handle built into the tree…so it’s totally portable.  Retro play time, anyone?

The 25 pencils with fun toppers, a baby’s blanket, one of my dad’s footballs, his baseball bat, my rifle that I twirled in high school band, the poster my sister made me when I was 13…it was created with magazine word cut outs and pictures of me and my friends, a slew of Sorority crap from old pictures to a Kappa Delta crest blanket.  I did though toss this oversized odd wooden lap table thing.  It had a bear painted on it while it held a dagger.  Maybe those were our symbols?  Who the hell cares.  Oh, but did snag a pillow case that says AOT on it and will send to Kathryn as a joke.  AOT was short for something in Latin and had to with integrity.  I saw it, rolled my eyes and began to fill it up with dusty folders and books.

There was also a heart picture frame of my boyfriend in high school, Buck.  It used to sit on top of my dresser.  I laughed and then tossed it into a keep box.

Patrick just patiently waited and helped where he could as I moved throughout this memory induced space.  My mom and I laughed when we came across a terrible picture of Elizabeth and I. She was wearing a large silk scarf around her shoulders and I had on a lace collar with pearls.  We were barely in our teens but looked like we worked in a bank and just celebrated our 40th birthdays.  She wasn’t there to defend herself but karma came back in full force as a large sketch was found of me in my senior photo…and I was wearing a cowboy hat.  And…I was resting my chin on my wrist.  T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E.

I had at one point came across a cluster of holy cards.  This box also had crosses and crucifixes and all things catholic.  I was on a mission to relinquish and so without much thought I began dumping into a reachable trash bag.  Patrick tells me on the drive back to Nashville that my mom took in a tiny gasp and then reached out and grabbed his arm for emotional support.  I think of this and it will always make me giggle.

I had three loves as a little girl: climbing trees, collecting teddy bears, and skidding around in my black and green BOYS big wheel.  No pink and white anything was going to make me look twice.  And even better, my big wheel once had a lion roar function.  The button has been long removed but my small frame can still sit in it and peddle it with one side of my left foot.

What soothed me as I slept was always a well chosen teddy bear.  To this day, I still recall all of their names: Lucas, Spencer, Honey, Theodore, Baily, Sebastian, and Rutherford.  Sweet Honey Bear was loved the most.  His head had once popped off and my dad ran around the house pulling a wagon while making an ambulance sound prior to fixing him in the garage.  Honey was once left in a church pew and I couldn’t sleep until the next day when we went to retrieve him.  To this day, I look at him and can instantly feel the love I had for him again when I was five.

We load everything in.  We say goodbye to my mom.  As we drive away from Front St in Memphis, I begin to cry.  I tell Patrick how my dad would clean up litter all around downtown.  My daddy died in that house.  Seeing so much of my past all shoved into boxes…and all items that he once contributed to…it was just so numbing.  Patrick held my hand and said we can come back any time.

In a U-haul I carry back my past but I sit next to my future.  I take a deep breath and squeeze his hand.

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  1. Robyn Jones Clark

     /  February 25, 2013

    Love this post and you. Memories can be wonderful things.. Loved the story of your dad making the ambulance sounds… so sweet. I can’t wait to meet Patrick :)

  2. Melissa C

     /  February 25, 2013

    Was your big wheel a green machine? I am happy that Patrick was there for you!

  3. admin

     /  March 1, 2013

    I think it was a green machine knock off. It had a Lion on it and it was called the Green Monster…I think…will post pic!

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